88
by Sheeva1331
Summary: Liz buys Kidd a book titled: 99 Ways to Make Her Scream. Patty and Liz hustle Kidd into getting drunk. Things don't always go according to plan. Possibly two-shot, maybe more.


Liz smirked as she checked to ensure Kidd wasn't watching, then paid the clerk the precious 20 bucks for the book he'd stuffed in the black bag. She thanked the man with a smile, and jammed the book in her bag quickly before Kidd turned around, snatching her nail file out of her back pocket to prove her innocence.

Patty giggled as she clutched a stuffed giraffe, and Kidd sighed as he reached into his pocket, pulled out a handful of coins, and spread them on the counter, glancing at the total. 8.87. He froze, a chill going down his back, seeing spots flash behind his eyes. He gritted his teeth as a sickening feeling churned in his gut. His feet went cold, and his hands became clammy.

"One cent. One cent… 8.87… not… no! Hideous! Abomination!" He grumbled. Liz picked up on it, and swiftly counted the money laid out on the counter. She reached into her pocket and set a two-pence on the counter and covered Kidd's eyes with her hands. She pressed her chest against his back and whispered consolations into his ear.

"I covered it. Paid 8.88. Cut the man a deal, huh?" She suggested. That seemed to work, as Kidd relaxed. 21 years, and he still hadn't managed to get over his OCD. Liz and Patty had gotten used to it, though, and were quick to act to prevent a panty-waste meltdown of their meister.

Kidd shielded his eyes from the blinding sun as they stepped out onto the street of Death City. It had to be over 100 degrees, because he swore he felt himself begin to melt.

"Screw walking around in this heat! I'm transforming back into a gun. Have fun, Kidd." Liz complained, shifting. Kidd caught her before she could fall and strapped her to his side, slightly envious that she could beat the heat this way and he couldn't. Patty giggled and transformed too. Kidd relaxed, taking comfort in the even weight at his hips.

Patty had hit a random growth spurt within the last year, and it showed not only in their human form, but in their weapon forms as well. Kidd knew, because he had weighed them. Despite being made of titanium alloys, they were light for Beretta M9 pistols, weighing only 952 g. Each. He'd jumped for joy at this, ecstatic at the balance of it all. They had no reason to be loaded, since they fired bullets created from compressing Kidd's soul wavelength. This made it better, since he didn't have to worry about maintaining balance of ammo in each round.

He formed his seals and summoned his skateboard, deciding to take a leisurely ride down the hills of the city to the apartment they shared. The wind whipped through his hair, and he could easily ignore Patty's incessant giggles and fits of random laughter.

"So, did you get the book?" Patty asked. Liz smirked, and held up a sign for victory. She fished around in her bag for the book, and slid it out of the black bag.

 _99 Ways to Make Her Scream!_ The title said in bright, pink letters, decorated with chains, whips, and even a ball gag in the space of the "a". A dubious glint shimmered in Patty's eye as she took the book, searching for a certain page.

"Let's fuck with him, fufufu…." She giggled deviously as she held up the page with a great big "8". Liz smirked. Her batshit crazy sister had some wonderfully sinister ideas.

"You mean we're not already?" She agreed. Patty tore out the page, crumpled it up, and tossed it over her shoulder. Liz snickered, fighting to control her laughter.

"Now he'll have no choice but to go to the next 'perfectly symmetrical number'." Liz chortled, her eyes glazed over with almost cruel intent. Patty laughed and handed the book back to her sister, who slid it back in the black bag and into her bag.

"88!" Patty yelled, laughing hysterically. Liz couldn't help it, and joined her.

Kidd, hearing their loud laughter through his soul wavelength, wondered what could be so funny about the number 88. Sure, it was beautiful in every way possible, but of course it would be. 8 by itself was perfectly symmetrical. He shrugged his shoulders and told himself that they had simply begun to share his views on what beauty truly meant.

Kidd slumped down in his chair. Patty and Liz hadn't been kidding when they'd bet that he couldn't drink Liz under the table. He should have figured that they were swindling him, though in pressure of not backing down from a challenge, he took it headstrong anyway.

As he watched the world around him swim, he groaned. He wasn't sure if he was seeing things, but he could have sworn he'd watched Liz complain about the midsummer heat and shed her top, leaving her in a white, lacy bra. Patty, being crazy as she was, yelled something about: "Hooray, naked time!" and stripped off her entire outfit.

Liz noticed Kidd's reaction, and snickered.

"Hey, Kidd. Got you something." She stated, reaching into her bag and handing him something wrapped in a black bag. It was flat, and as he examined the logo, he began to blush furiously. It was something from the sex-shop in the back of the store they'd gone to earlier.

He sat up, momentarily forgetting about Patty's naked self and Liz's shirtlessness, and curiously pulled whatever it was out of the bag.

"99 Ways… to Make Her… Scream?" He muttered, reading the title aloud.

"What in the hell would I- He stopped as Liz stepped forward and tilted his head up to face hers. She was so close, he could smell the _Junmai-shu_ on her breath.

"Figured… we could use it. Just try 'em." She placed a kiss on his lips. "One." _Kiss_. "To." _Kiss._ "Eight." She kissed him, hard, attempting to boggle his mind so that he couldn't think straight. Not that he could to begin with, considering how inebriated he felt at the moment.

"Yeah, Kidd, it'll be fun!" Patty giggled, walking to his right side and pecking him on the cheek.

"One to…" He swallowed, hard. He sniggered as he realized something else was hard, too. "Eight?" He repeated.

"That's right." Liz chuckled, trailing kisses to his ear. She took his earlobe between her teeth and bit it lightly, tugging on it. She snapped her fingers towards her sister, trying to make sure they kept this as even as possible. To be honest, she hadn't drank as much as Kidd thought she had.

"Suppose it would… increase our… wavelength… Ohh…" He trailed off as they kissed and nibbled on his neck. Liz fought back a frown. It wasn't just an increase of wavelength she was after, but after working together all of these years, she doubted he would pick one sister or the other.

"How… with two of you… Split…What?" He rambled. Liz smirked and picked up the book from his lap.

"Sure. We'll split them." She stated. She unbuckled her pants and pulled them off, revealing a pair of matching white lingerie, then crawled along the floor up to him. He watched her all the while, a wondrous look in his eye. She looked so incredibly sexy, her blonde hair spilling over her shoulders and down her back.

She grabbed his knees and forced his legs apart, making him jump slightly. Patty grabbed his cheeks and turned his face to kiss her. He kept his arms rested on the arms of the chair as though they'd tied them there. His foot twitched as Liz ran her hands up his thighs and up his chest. He groaned into Patty's kiss as Liz dragged her tediously manicured nails down his chest, resting at the buckle of his pants.

He hissed as she stroked him from the outside of his slacks, gripping the arms of the chair so hard, his knuckles turned white. He broke away from Patty's mouth and clasped his mouth to her pert nipple, pressing it between his teeth with his tongue, alternating between nibbling and sucking.

He barely registered Liz unbuttoning and unzipping his slacks, and moaned when she traced circles around his head with her tongue. He felt Patty's hand brush against his arm. When he looked, he found that she'd begun stroking herself with her fingers. He growled, somewhat annoyed. He pushed her hand out of the way and replaced hers with his, sliding a finger inside.

She was hot, sure, but he was more fascinated with how damn wet she was. She lifted her leg to rest her foot on the bar of the chair he sat in, giving him more room. He took this opportunity and began to thrust his finger in and out of her, sliding his thumb along her clitoris. The way she mewled and shivered thrilled him, and the hums and soft sighs that Liz let out tickled his ears.

Liz's hair fell around her head and draped along his thighs, now bare, ( _when did she take them off?_ He found himself wondering), and he grabbed as much of it as he could in his fist, hoping that he was helping her.

Her hums turned into moans, as she'd always loved it when a man tugged at her hair when she was giving him head. Secondly, it'd freed both of her hands. She used one to balance herself and the other to stroke herself through the fabric of her underwear.

"Sis… he's so _good_ at this…" Patty moaned, thrusting her hips in rhythm with his fingers. She had her hands entangled in his hair, tugging at it when she wanted him to work harder, and releasing when he bit too hard.

He noticed Patty was beginning to wobble, and stopped his ministrations. He tugged back on Liz's hair, signaling for her to stop. She pulled away from him, an audible popping noise as she did. Her eyes were glazed over, cheeks flared red, panting slightly.

"Couch. Patty's falling." He managed. Liz smirked, pleased with their work. She loved making men drool like this.

She stood and made her way to the couch. Kidd shakily stood and lifted Patty up, carrying her to the couch. In that moment, Liz's stone-cold heart was touched as she realized; he truly cared for them both.

He sat down and then lay on his back, grabbing Patty's wrist and moving her to practically sit on his face. He wasted no time in tracing circles around her clitoris, then alternating between the number 8 and the sign for infinity (because really, it's just a horizontal 8). Patty cried out and pulled at his hair again.

He held her hips in place as she began to rock them, trying to focus on giving her pleasure. From the way she reacted, he felt he was doing it right. Books were one thing. Practical application was another.

Liz stripped herself of the rest of her clothing and straddled Kidd's hips stroking him with one hand and stroking herself with another. She aligned herself with him and pushed him into her with one fluid motion.

He groaned, and the vibrations made Patty shudder. Liz waited to get accustomed to him before she started moving; he had more girth and length than she'd anticipated. Kidd found himself reaching for one of Liz's hands. She took it and squeezed it as she continued to rock her hips. Patty found Kidd's other hand and held it tightly, too.

Liz pinched herself between the legs as she felt him harden. Patty tightened her grip on Kidd's hair and hand as she came with a last slide of his tongue, screaming and shaking with the effects of her orgasm. Liz thrust herself hard and fast on him, swearing as she tightened around Kidd. She gasped and swore she felt her heart swell with pride and pleasure as Kidd came, spilling inside of her.

They pulled apart and sat side by side on the couch, panting. They were still holding hands. Kidd felt a wide grin spread on his face, and he gave an exhausted laugh.

"Never replacing you girls. Ever." He admitted. They giggled and kissed his cheek. Kidd kicked the couch out to form a bed, and almost seemed to purr in delight as they snuggled up against him. Kidd felt the fabric of Liz and Patty's shoes, and opened a groggy eye to look. He let his head fall back on the pillow.

"You're both still wearing your shoes… Damn, that's hot." He murmured before slipping away into a heavy sleep.

"What about the book?" Patty whispered.

Liz gave a tired smile, and rested her head on Kidd's chest.

"Forget about the book."


End file.
